I have no idea why, but tonight something made me think back to 7th grade. To a boy who moved away. To a guy I haven’t spoken to in 7 years.
I used to have this box. It was full of notes my friends and I wrote to eachother throughout middle school. Because, you know, it was the cool thing to do- pass notes. I don’t remember getting rid of it, but when I began searching my room for it tonight I couldn’t find it. I don’t care anymore about the petty drama of my younger days, but in that box was a note from a boy. The same one who left.
While it has been years since I’ve read it, I can still remember one line: “I wish I didn’t have to leave.”
I wonder what would have happened had he not left. How different high school would have been, my relationship history would have been, how I would be different.
Every few years I search him on Facebook. I look at pictures of the guy my 7th grade boy grew up to be. I try and imagine what he’s like now. If we would even be friends if we met today.
Life is funny like that. How one person moving away in middle school can affect someone’s life. I’m not saying I dislike how my life turned out or regret any decision I’ve made since. I’m curious as to what it could have been. Would I have dated Jordan? -> Would Alicia and I have remained friends? -> Would the group have existed, would I have ever met Steven? -> Would I have ended up at Gonzaga?
Would I be who I am today?
I know people say you can’t harp on the past or sit and wish for what could have been. But sometimes you wonder, had he not left what could have been?
my new question is how do your roommates knkow who i am. one second i’m playing a really awful game of foosball, and the next i’m hearing my name being yelled through the bar. after we finish our game i realize it’s one of your roommates, whom i’ve never met. he asks if i’m ashley and i know you. i’m drunk enough so i say yes and that i do. but that you never talk to me anymore. then i meet your other roommate. the first one seems to think that if i text you i’ll be able to get you to come out to the bars. i doubt it.
what the fuck is this? what did you say to them? how do they know who i am? what i look like? i havent heard from you in months and then this happens? what the hell.
i miss you. thats obvious. but you dont mean anything anymore. not to me. you fucked that one up.
